so much to say...

i do have a lot to catch up on. but have you ever noticed that the the longer you go without talking to someone or something (like this blog) it get's harder to update... it's just easier to talk to the person that you update on a daily basis than trying to catch up with the person you haven't spoken to in weeks. usual conversation with that person... "how's life, what've you been up to?" "nothin, just the usual...sleep, work, eat, sleep, and then work more" (forced laughter) "right on" "yeah, nothing really big going on around here, just the same old" "well, that's good" awkward silence... now, i'm not saying that it is better talking to the person you speak to on a daily basis, just easier. usual conversation with that person... "what's up?' "nothin', just hanging out" "still recovering from last night?" "yeah, but i had the best freakin' sandwich for lunch today" "oh yeah, what was on it" "it was a cuban and it had just the right mixture of pressed ham and cheese. it was perfect" "nice, there's nothing like a good cuban" "i know. hey, you playin' poker tonight?" and so on... it really boils down to feeling the need to talk about big, important things with the person you haven't spoken to in a while, whereas the minutiae in life is where the fun stuff normally happens....the obscure happenings that one experiences on a daily basis and that only get shared with the people you hang out with regularly. i become convinced that if i haven't spoken to you in a couple of weeks you don't want to hear about my awesome sandwich experience, that our conversation should be reserved for something deep and meaningful, when really it just needs to be.... it's sad and i don't like it, but i fall into that trap everytime. and then the communications get fewer and farther between because i'm not good at having a non-"important" conversation with my long-distance friends....and i feel like i sound stupid on the phone with nothing to say. anyway, this blog is much the same. if i leave it for a few days, i feel like i need to come back with some spectacularly funny observation of a recent event, or a monstrously huge musical find, or an important breaking piece of news (does anyone read this for news? if so, i'm sorry). however, as with conversations with friends, i will try to not feel so burdened with my updates and just talk instead. most of the time people don't care what you have to say, just that you are talking to them or writing something for them to read during the horribly boring moments of their work day. so, to all my friends...i will call you and i will tell you about my sandwich (which i did have yesterday and was f'in delicious) because i miss you all terribly and look back fondly on those days when you knew about my sandwiches.....or "we can make sandwiches". and, to all of my readers (all 4 of you), you shall also know my sandwiches along with my musical finds and my humorous observations. "and i knew you. the good and the bad. the days i recall being wonderful. and i lost you. because i held it back. please tell me that everything will work out fine. pictures taken fast. the proof that i've known you. in albums stuck to bleach. but memories they'll keep." - last days of april, the days i recall being wonderful good god, i'm so freakin' emo sometimes... songs that played: christie front drive - about two days maharahj - secret phil collins - one more night pedro the lion - to protect the family name minus the bear - monkey!!!knife!!!fight!!! jimmy eat world - for me this is heaven braid - please drive faster (live) my hotel year - key exchange